are you so shy because you have an std?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
