Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
