youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
