no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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