Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
