He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
