what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I deserve this hangover.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
