I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize