Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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