Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
