I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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