so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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