I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
