Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
