umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
