I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
