Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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