He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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