kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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