does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
