Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
