just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
