No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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