o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
