Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
