Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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