this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
