He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
