please come you make the beer taste better
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
