tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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