My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
