but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need moral support for this bender
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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