dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
