Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
