hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
