just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
