his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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