Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
