dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
