she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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