apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sarcasm needs its own font
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
