the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
