Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
