DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
