I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
