I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
