All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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