nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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