Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize