remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
