roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
