based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
