Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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