That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
