OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
