I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
