I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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