I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
