Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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