woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
