yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
from now on my penis is your penis
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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