someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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