ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
