I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
