Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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