So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
