mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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