why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
