I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
