i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
