I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
