He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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