you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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