Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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