it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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