We won't sleep together?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Randomize
