happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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