I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
