hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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