please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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