I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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