I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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