The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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