I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
