Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
