oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
