Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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