Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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