I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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