She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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