I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
