I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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