yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
