8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
