Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
