You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
