dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
