Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
