Barsexuality is the new black.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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