The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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