Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
