hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
