weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize