Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
