I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
