you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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