grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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