you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
