So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
