capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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