what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the raccoons are back...
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