24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
