They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
